The Bearable Weight That Is Adulthood

I barely know what it feels like to be a childless adult, I was a mum before I knew how to uncork a champagne bottle. I had to make quicker steps into the responsibilities that come with adulthood than most people I know and I have reasons to applaud my devotion to motherhood. I am comfortable as a mum and looking back, I do not wish for anything less. I could also assert that I am a proud, satisfied woman in her twenties but then I would just be searching for desperate ways to elude the disappointments that adulthood has shown me for some time now. Finding pride and satisfaction as an adult has been a bit of a long stretch, most inspirational contents don't even work for me. Standing before a mirror at 5 a.m. and saying stereotyped motivational quotes in an attempt to feel better about oneself only wakes you up to the realization that your life needs fixing and I am not about to subscribe to that. 

With so many rules to be followed and even more unpleasant obligations to keep up with, I feel like I have not yet had my own share of kindness from adulthood. I have some child-like urges I would want to fulfill but growing up, maturity and status do not allow such success. Sometimes I wish I could wet my biscuits or bread in my tea and suck out the wetness at the breakfast table without anyone giving me the eye but I would not be excused because adulthood is rigid to such tiny pleasures. I wish I could hold the right to roll on the grass at the park and not be bothered by the dirt on my feet when walking down to the mall but that right too is limited to childhood. 

Sometimes I get the feeling that my younger self escaped from me before I could even get the hang of it. What if I could still have the liberty of being eleven years old again? Keeping a secret diary with fantasies of my crush kissing me on the cheeks behind the classroom door sounds like something exciting to engage in. Bickering with a friend because she did not show up at break time with your most treasured play tool is more acceptable than having a heated controversy over a conflicting comment made on an Instagram post.

Adulthood might have denied me a chance to be a child but there are things it has granted me and that I have learned to embrace. I might not have the right to yell and throw tantrums but I can be bold and calm by simply adding an olive to my Martini. I might also be up for acid reflux in the near future but at least I know the remedies, thanks to adulthood.

There are things one realizes only when one grows up. Even though sometimes we are clueless about certain decisions that we make even in adulthood, it is natural and reasonable to always yearn to become better and happier. 

I have carried with me several lessons over the years that I have been a grown-up. Some of those realizations might evoke bitterness and anger because they hit like a wrecking ball but some of them are gentle and relieving and make you appreciate the changes. Adulthood requires caution and moderation. The older you get, the more you become aware of the things that matter and the more you let go of those that do not have an impact or those that make you static. Your relationship with other people might not be naturally easy but knowing your place in other people's lives is a helpful hack. I have realized that I can not cling to my childhood addiction for long. It is time to let it be and just exist with the memories and the nostalgia.

if I had a shilling for every time I have failed at "adulting", I could be owning private jets and living in a futuristic home on a private island, that is how rich I could have been. You cannot be certain of the number of failures you will make now and in the future but maybe acknowledging that failing is living is the first step to avoiding disappointments. Adulthood might not be kind enough but that does not justify loathing oneself and being salty with other people. It might even be scary sometimes but it is okay to feel scared, life needs that. Maybe adulthood is just a different type of magic, an interesting discovery with a number of pleasures to explore and messes to decipher. So live along and if the future seems too hefty to be planned prior, then just live in the moment and carpe diem!