Reflections of the Ring Finger

Sometimes, when my stars are aligned with serenity and contentment, I feel like my ovulation period revamps my womanhood and gives me a robust sense of self-confidence. During these times, my body recharges and hits a level of sensuality that sometimes makes me achieve a massive level of boldness. I get to appreciate my physical body more and my self-esteem tends to be off the chart. These are the times that I get motivated to focus on my body more and even go beyond my usual self to perform provocative activities that excite my romantic life.

Sadly, these sunlit occasions don't show up frequently and when they do, they don't last long enough. Just when you are getting used to them, the horrific menstrual flow takes over, with sprinting mood swings, bloated stomach, intrusive facial pimples, debilitating back pains, and irritable contractions resulting in a five-days hurdle, to indicate the main event. 

This time around, the two-week theory took center stage and drew my imagination to what I aspire for my future love to be. I allowed myself to linger in optimism even though I have no physical image of who and how he will be. I just love to think that he will be as predictable as I envision.

I will be desirable in his eyes and he is going to put a ring on it someday, maybe in a few months, a couple of years, or more to come. I hope he upholds chivalry because I would love for him to go down on one knee. When he does, I do not want to be ready for it because I would love to feel the rush in my veins, exclaim in surprise, and have him wet his handkerchief drying my tears of joy. I want him to be true, speak out words of love and mean it, with his eyes locked into mine, and when he is finally done with the romantic gesture and sealed it with a kiss, I want him to lead me to the most heartwarming place where it will be just us two, reveling and immersing ourselves in true love.

This is not a fantasy, nor is it a fairy tale dream. This is what I want, for myself and my lover-to-be. He is going to be here someday. When he finally reaches me, I will welcome him in and I will be ready with answers to his questions. The conversation might be of small talk but this is what I am going to tell him when he asks about me. I am going to let him know how I am a big fan of life and all that comes with it. That my happy place is defined by ice cream sundaes and a light heart. After hundreds of days have passed and we still crave the same buzz, I will show him how fragile my heart can be and I will make him aware of all of my fears, not to make him fall out of love but to let him in on every part of me; skin to bone.

The joy of romance is being at peace with the connection and finding solace in the commitment. I am going to appreciate the imperfections, for I know that we are both flawed and tainted in one way or another. I am going to let him know when I need him to tone down his machismo or when his chauvinism is needed. I will pledge to be his source of peace, heaven knows I will be in for it. On those rare occasions when he will be feeling a strong desire to find a different air to breathe and an urge to establish a man cave, I will provide the spacing, without sacrificing our union, of course.

I pray that he is a man of his voice. One that does not define himself by stereotypes or the ill-advised guidelines inspired by bitterness and infatuation.  I hope he can hold on in tough times and not involve a third party to ruin our story. I would love for him to fit perfectly as a man of courage and dignity. One to own up for his mistakes and not cow away but to settle things when in trouble instead of searching for pity as the victim. when he proves to be different from whom I had in mind, I pray for patience and resilience and for rationality not to evade me when I need it.

Whatever his surname is, may it combine with my first name in delight and pleasure. Just as the yin and yang, may we blend our differences in harmony, fitting in with all our flaws and all our merits. I hope he never lies and leaves me with the choice of unloving him and I hope we both never get bored with the bond until we are seventy. Until then, may we live in positivity and inspire each other's growth and progress.

I have the chance to dream, the space to predict, and the energy to anticipate. May I use these to prepare me for what the stars and the universe have in store for me and may I find peace and solace if what I want is not what the universe planned for me.