RED SPACE
I lost to you in fencing, but do not expect the same victory in the game of swords. This is the phrase by which I based my every move during my 'bun in the oven' days. After he left, ghosting, as they call it, I had the thoughts of revenge on the man who took away my innocence. I formed renewed bouts of outrage and hatred each and every new day. Sunrise never meant serenity anymore, it meant to me a heart thirsty for messing up somebody's life. Sometimes I even cursed and prayed for calamities to befall him. I could come up with new plans each day on how to win my game of swords. I planned to get in the game with a double-edged sword; one legal and the other lethal and illegal.
For the first time, the thoughts of ruining someone's life crossed my mind and I thought causing him pain would grant me the peace I needed. I swore to help karma in ruining and fragmenting every piece of him. The bitterness within me was so mighty that at times I thought of getting rid of my bundle.
Every mother, whether a first time mother or any other, needs and requires support with raising her child. At least that is what I thought and so, I planned to seek that support. I did not want the support in order to cater for me and my son, but rather to punish the father. I thought of exhausting him of all his income and all that he had. I felt like I had a right and an entitlement to it all. What I never realised is that I had all the support I needed, within and around me. As a strong lady, you do not really need a second party to help you fulfill your needs. I never realised how much strong I was. That is why I tied myself to the idea that I needed his support.
Everyday my red space enlarged and I forgot all the fun things I had promised myself during my girl days. I forgot how much I had promised to pride myself with my nine months series. It dawned on me that my situation at that time, was a regretful ordeal.
Over time, though, I have managed to fill up my red space with love. Love for my little angel, which surpasses my love for any other man. I have since forgotten and gotten over with the old dark memories. As you mature, you manage to understand the reasons behind every action and you work towards changing your negative situations to positivity and good growth.
For the first time, the thoughts of ruining someone's life crossed my mind and I thought causing him pain would grant me the peace I needed. I swore to help karma in ruining and fragmenting every piece of him. The bitterness within me was so mighty that at times I thought of getting rid of my bundle.
Every mother, whether a first time mother or any other, needs and requires support with raising her child. At least that is what I thought and so, I planned to seek that support. I did not want the support in order to cater for me and my son, but rather to punish the father. I thought of exhausting him of all his income and all that he had. I felt like I had a right and an entitlement to it all. What I never realised is that I had all the support I needed, within and around me. As a strong lady, you do not really need a second party to help you fulfill your needs. I never realised how much strong I was. That is why I tied myself to the idea that I needed his support.
Everyday my red space enlarged and I forgot all the fun things I had promised myself during my girl days. I forgot how much I had promised to pride myself with my nine months series. It dawned on me that my situation at that time, was a regretful ordeal.
Over time, though, I have managed to fill up my red space with love. Love for my little angel, which surpasses my love for any other man. I have since forgotten and gotten over with the old dark memories. As you mature, you manage to understand the reasons behind every action and you work towards changing your negative situations to positivity and good growth.
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