MY RING FINGER

Maybe I should have stuffed that blue dress down in my drawer, and I couldn't have attracted you.

Maybe I should have had a siesta that afternoon, and I couldn't have met you.

Maybe still, I should have not responded to your seduction, then I couldn't have lied to myself about love.

Gold is what you promised

We even took a tango at the mines, but later it was tarnished.

I had the idea of fun

You had the idea of destruction

How blind I was, and blindness was all that love offered to me

Now I make an offer to love, and I offer it a palm with no ring finger.

A virgin, my ring finger remains.

Maybe I wasn't meant to love 

Maybe Cupid and I were meant to be rivals

And I don't even get why we two; Cupid and I, should appear in the same sentence.

Sentences are what I make out of love,

But did it really have to give me a sentence for not arranging my words correctly? 

I asked for a genuine connection 

And the least I needed was a correction

The sensation was not so strong and I still wonder why I had to fall for the temptation.
The stereotyped ring unification has thus been erased.
And my ring finger still persists with a NO notification.

I was not a kid when someone told me that dreams don't last long during a sleep
I wasn't a kid neither when somebody told me that dreams are valid
And so I know that with dreams, a tomorrow awaits.
I don't want to dream of the nuptials
Let alone the walk down the aisle
Cause I'm not investing my finger for a ring
Those bells they call wedding bells will remain silent without a ring
And the broom my legs refuse to jump
So I'm putting my defences up,
Cause I don't wanna fall in love.

I was compelled to write the above piece when I realised that my youth had wavered and I was in to becoming a single mum. I had just gotten into adulthood and my worst fears finally engulfed me. It is a bad feeling when you realise you're pregnant out of the blues and it's out of wedlock, it is even more traumatic when the sire refuses to be accountable. So when it dawned on me that I was going to be a single mum just when I was getting into adulthood, I became locked up with so much bitterness and a great despise for love. I cursed my love life and swore never to allow a man into my life again.

This is what happens when you let regrets take over. You become so bitter with life and get filled with rage. The fears of loosing a lover made me feel like all my chances for falling in love again had all drowned into darkness, but now I realise that I had fallen for a loser and I really didn't lose a lover.

This is from me to all that are like me. Do not push yourself to believing it is over, love still exists and if you believe, it will come and it will happen to you.  Do not put a blame on you even as much as you have to acknowledge your faults. There are times when you'll hold your pillow and cry all night. The baby showers might become nothing of interest and after the sac is broken and your bundle arrives, you might face the post-natal depression. These are some of the things other people sometimes might not realise, making them end up judging you when you decide to act heinous towards your little one. There are times you'd wish he was back and there're times you'd wish to take his life in the name of avenging your dignity. It becomes an awful experience and even more devastating when you have no one to talk to. But do not despair, life still exists and not all hope is lost. Take it all in positively and declare yourself a strong woman. Nurture your bundle and fill yourselves with love. Sorround yourself with positive vibes from the people who understand. It does a lot of good to talk it out with a true. Make your life worth it because your baby is a blessing to you and to the world.