PROPOSAL FROM AN EX
SOME TIME WITH AN EX?
No, thanks.
At home with my little lovable champion, that is where I’ll be.
He called me last month, on one Friday night, told me he was starving and that I’d been an awesome package. Of course I found a zillion offences in the choice of words he used but I chose to calm down and listen on. Then he said he missed me and his duvet was not enough for the cold. How lame could one person be?! Ok, he wanting me to believe that he was all sprung about me was really not the issue but this level of disrespect was quite overwhelming and classically inappropriate. I tried so hard to brush this one off too but then suddenly felt the urge to give him a comeback.
“Man up, Jack or at least have some respect for yourself.”
Just when I begin to feel so proud of myself for conquering this silly battle, I get an even more silly comment.
“I’ve always loved your sense of humor.”
“Huh, what humor!”
It is at this point now I begin to lose my patience and start telling him how foolish his idea of a pep talk is progressing but then I figure out that it is pointless, more like quoting Alexander the Great to a two year old then having to explain to them who Alexander is and why you are even talking to them about him and of course again explain to them what the quote means and why you just had to involve Alexander instead of just speaking it out. I’m not Olympias you know, neither am I good at explaining to some people, especially my exes, why they need to listen to some things. For this reason, I decide to hang up and forget about that awkward excuse of a catch-up.
Three weeks later, my phone lets out a weird short beep which I snap at and continue to gel my nails. The beep persists, only this time, it gives a longer tone then stops again. Argh! Did it just have to ruin my nail polishing activity?
To my chagrin, when I check on the phone, it is MRN J. I have this chronic behavior of saving contacts with people’s characters and assume that I am the only one who can read meaning out of them or can someone else tell what MRN J is? Before I could decide what to do about the call, he calls back but since our last conversation did not end so well, I hesitate on picking and instead scroll down on a “call me later” template. Jack has always been a patient guy, this is one virtue I can honestly give him credit on. He texts back an “ok love” but I assume I never saw that so I set my phone back on the stool next to me and continue with my nail makeover.
A few hours later, he calls again. No pleasantries, no heys or hi’s, not even a how-have-you-been greeting. All he says is “I have been working on something for you” and then he goes silent as if waiting for me to respond. Somehow, I think he wants me to raise a spontaneous outburst and start mentioning a few “I’m coming back to you” pleas, maybe as a sign of regrets for why I ever left him but then again I’m thinking that maybe this time he has some genuine plans up his sleeves.
“You ever heard of business partnership?” he breaks the silence at last.
“Look here Jack, I’m a very busy woman and I do not appreciate empty chit chats, thank you very much.” My sarcasm level elevates.
I don’t know why but this raises some fits of laughter which I kind of find very heavy with malice. It infuriates me every time people misinterpret the awesomeness that is embedded within the term woman and its meaning and I hated the fact that that was the reason behind this weird laughter; because I called myself a woman.
So Jack tells me he has this big business idea with which he partners with a colleague and wants to involve me and help me grow. Very few guys have approached me with such development proposals and I am thinking, this is great. To prove his oral presentation, he sends me a copy of the business plan. To go with it, he even sends along a picture of the so called business partner, Suzanne, perhaps just to tell me, -she’s hotter than you- which sadly, I guess she is. I really cannot fathom what Jack is talking about because it is not like him to discuss such serious issues but the next thing he lets out of his mouth proves to me that he is still the same old Jack.
“umh, I’m so sorry about this but if you really want to join in, you’ll have to come over to my place for a briefing about the whole thing…oh, and Suzanne will be there too so no need for the jitters.”
At least the mention of Suzanne’s presence comforts me but what the hell! This jellybean is not aware I’m in the city so convincing him to opt for a phone convo will be smooth.
“…your place is miles away from where I am and I got classes to attend, let’s do the briefing online.”
“School’s closed and Dinah told me you’re around plus I did my own assignment at the mall last evening, 8pm so if you’re serious about this, then mi casa su casa.”
I feel so ashamed at my excuse and I can imagine him winking at the other side so I say I would call him when I am ready.
After several days, this time, guess who makes the call? Yeah, it is me, and my response, it is a “yes”. As at now I am dearly praying to the Holy Virgin Mother to deliver me from this tempting venture. I do not want to allow my uncertainties kill my acumen and let them act as a wet blanket towards this promising opportunity. I also do not want to be overly hopeful for obvious reasons and because Jack might still be the same jerk I used to know when we parted ways.
I arrived at Jack’s at 2pm, the agreed time by all the parties involved but surprisingly, like I’m certain you already figured, Suzanne was not in. After a series of long discussions and jests, we decide to call Suzanne but whoa!! The unexpected ‘something came up’ is what I hear on the line. My heart stops a bit when I notice the sparkle in his eyes as he shouts out that Suzanne might not make it on time.
“So what do we do now? I guess we can just start without her.”
“Well, we could, if not for the fact that she is the brain behind the whole thing.”
By now I have a feeling Jack has a lot of activities that he is wishing to get me involved in but I am certain that he is not at all going to act kinder towards me. I am pretending to act comfortable as much as I can so I ask him to switch on the TV so at least the tension is calmed a bit.
Of course he fulfills my demand but then the idea of him sitting beside me on the couch is a bit worrying. I do not like the conversation going on at this time because he is dominantly focusing on our past relationship. Before I know it, he is already breathing down my neck, like literally and what happens next is despicable.
One second his fly bursts open, then he strips off his pants, the next, his drawers go down and I can imagine him saying he’s ready for me. I don’t mind whether you are ready for me but I am for you so let us get this thing spinning.
“Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me you didn’t wear my favorite cologne for this purpose. I have dreamt about this you know.”
What the hell! Since when did Fantasy become a male’s cologne and since when did it become your favorite? What even made him think I was donned up to seduce him? How could he even think my struggle to reach his place could be quelled with an arousal?
He pushes me to the wall then whispers, “I know you want this too.” Whoever lied to men that that pick up line works, should get whipped and please, would you stop caressing my face? You’re ruining my make-up for no good reason. This must have been the worst laid down romance I have ever experienced and yet he still had the guts to tell me that I could not deny his touch.
‘Stay woke Nell, slap his face if you feel forced too. How could you even let him push you to the wall? Kick his balls if you can, you cannot get yourself into this, not again Nell, not again. He is an ex, make him know his place and stay there. DO IT NOW and end this crappy affair you want to get involved in.’
“You said you had dreamt about this, right? Well, here is something you never saw coming.”
The voices in my head had surprisingly charged me up with so much energy that I felt something rush quick from my head to my feet then releasing a hard kick right between his inner thighs. ‘Excellent shot Nell, now move!’
I honestly do not know how my hands reached the door knob but then there I was, spinning it and swinging the door open. I was shocked to find this thick pretty woman standing at the doorstep with her arm lifted as a ready sign that she was just about to knock on the door. Oh! That was Suzanne, at least he was genuine about the business meeting but I guess he would have a hard time clearing up the mess he made that afternoon, talk about being caught with pants down. Well, I must have missed on a great business deal but I was more thankful than regrettable for not getting involved in anything with this jerk.
‘Hit the road Jack (jerk)…’ someone please help me sing along to the song.
No, thanks.
At home with my little lovable champion, that is where I’ll be.
He called me last month, on one Friday night, told me he was starving and that I’d been an awesome package. Of course I found a zillion offences in the choice of words he used but I chose to calm down and listen on. Then he said he missed me and his duvet was not enough for the cold. How lame could one person be?! Ok, he wanting me to believe that he was all sprung about me was really not the issue but this level of disrespect was quite overwhelming and classically inappropriate. I tried so hard to brush this one off too but then suddenly felt the urge to give him a comeback.
“Man up, Jack or at least have some respect for yourself.”
Just when I begin to feel so proud of myself for conquering this silly battle, I get an even more silly comment.
“I’ve always loved your sense of humor.”
“Huh, what humor!”
It is at this point now I begin to lose my patience and start telling him how foolish his idea of a pep talk is progressing but then I figure out that it is pointless, more like quoting Alexander the Great to a two year old then having to explain to them who Alexander is and why you are even talking to them about him and of course again explain to them what the quote means and why you just had to involve Alexander instead of just speaking it out. I’m not Olympias you know, neither am I good at explaining to some people, especially my exes, why they need to listen to some things. For this reason, I decide to hang up and forget about that awkward excuse of a catch-up.
Three weeks later, my phone lets out a weird short beep which I snap at and continue to gel my nails. The beep persists, only this time, it gives a longer tone then stops again. Argh! Did it just have to ruin my nail polishing activity?
To my chagrin, when I check on the phone, it is MRN J. I have this chronic behavior of saving contacts with people’s characters and assume that I am the only one who can read meaning out of them or can someone else tell what MRN J is? Before I could decide what to do about the call, he calls back but since our last conversation did not end so well, I hesitate on picking and instead scroll down on a “call me later” template. Jack has always been a patient guy, this is one virtue I can honestly give him credit on. He texts back an “ok love” but I assume I never saw that so I set my phone back on the stool next to me and continue with my nail makeover.
A few hours later, he calls again. No pleasantries, no heys or hi’s, not even a how-have-you-been greeting. All he says is “I have been working on something for you” and then he goes silent as if waiting for me to respond. Somehow, I think he wants me to raise a spontaneous outburst and start mentioning a few “I’m coming back to you” pleas, maybe as a sign of regrets for why I ever left him but then again I’m thinking that maybe this time he has some genuine plans up his sleeves.
“You ever heard of business partnership?” he breaks the silence at last.
“Look here Jack, I’m a very busy woman and I do not appreciate empty chit chats, thank you very much.” My sarcasm level elevates.
I don’t know why but this raises some fits of laughter which I kind of find very heavy with malice. It infuriates me every time people misinterpret the awesomeness that is embedded within the term woman and its meaning and I hated the fact that that was the reason behind this weird laughter; because I called myself a woman.
So Jack tells me he has this big business idea with which he partners with a colleague and wants to involve me and help me grow. Very few guys have approached me with such development proposals and I am thinking, this is great. To prove his oral presentation, he sends me a copy of the business plan. To go with it, he even sends along a picture of the so called business partner, Suzanne, perhaps just to tell me, -she’s hotter than you- which sadly, I guess she is. I really cannot fathom what Jack is talking about because it is not like him to discuss such serious issues but the next thing he lets out of his mouth proves to me that he is still the same old Jack.
“umh, I’m so sorry about this but if you really want to join in, you’ll have to come over to my place for a briefing about the whole thing…oh, and Suzanne will be there too so no need for the jitters.”
At least the mention of Suzanne’s presence comforts me but what the hell! This jellybean is not aware I’m in the city so convincing him to opt for a phone convo will be smooth.
“…your place is miles away from where I am and I got classes to attend, let’s do the briefing online.”
“School’s closed and Dinah told me you’re around plus I did my own assignment at the mall last evening, 8pm so if you’re serious about this, then mi casa su casa.”
I feel so ashamed at my excuse and I can imagine him winking at the other side so I say I would call him when I am ready.
After several days, this time, guess who makes the call? Yeah, it is me, and my response, it is a “yes”. As at now I am dearly praying to the Holy Virgin Mother to deliver me from this tempting venture. I do not want to allow my uncertainties kill my acumen and let them act as a wet blanket towards this promising opportunity. I also do not want to be overly hopeful for obvious reasons and because Jack might still be the same jerk I used to know when we parted ways.
I arrived at Jack’s at 2pm, the agreed time by all the parties involved but surprisingly, like I’m certain you already figured, Suzanne was not in. After a series of long discussions and jests, we decide to call Suzanne but whoa!! The unexpected ‘something came up’ is what I hear on the line. My heart stops a bit when I notice the sparkle in his eyes as he shouts out that Suzanne might not make it on time.
“So what do we do now? I guess we can just start without her.”
“Well, we could, if not for the fact that she is the brain behind the whole thing.”
By now I have a feeling Jack has a lot of activities that he is wishing to get me involved in but I am certain that he is not at all going to act kinder towards me. I am pretending to act comfortable as much as I can so I ask him to switch on the TV so at least the tension is calmed a bit.
Of course he fulfills my demand but then the idea of him sitting beside me on the couch is a bit worrying. I do not like the conversation going on at this time because he is dominantly focusing on our past relationship. Before I know it, he is already breathing down my neck, like literally and what happens next is despicable.
One second his fly bursts open, then he strips off his pants, the next, his drawers go down and I can imagine him saying he’s ready for me. I don’t mind whether you are ready for me but I am for you so let us get this thing spinning.
“Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me you didn’t wear my favorite cologne for this purpose. I have dreamt about this you know.”
What the hell! Since when did Fantasy become a male’s cologne and since when did it become your favorite? What even made him think I was donned up to seduce him? How could he even think my struggle to reach his place could be quelled with an arousal?
He pushes me to the wall then whispers, “I know you want this too.” Whoever lied to men that that pick up line works, should get whipped and please, would you stop caressing my face? You’re ruining my make-up for no good reason. This must have been the worst laid down romance I have ever experienced and yet he still had the guts to tell me that I could not deny his touch.
‘Stay woke Nell, slap his face if you feel forced too. How could you even let him push you to the wall? Kick his balls if you can, you cannot get yourself into this, not again Nell, not again. He is an ex, make him know his place and stay there. DO IT NOW and end this crappy affair you want to get involved in.’
“You said you had dreamt about this, right? Well, here is something you never saw coming.”
The voices in my head had surprisingly charged me up with so much energy that I felt something rush quick from my head to my feet then releasing a hard kick right between his inner thighs. ‘Excellent shot Nell, now move!’
I honestly do not know how my hands reached the door knob but then there I was, spinning it and swinging the door open. I was shocked to find this thick pretty woman standing at the doorstep with her arm lifted as a ready sign that she was just about to knock on the door. Oh! That was Suzanne, at least he was genuine about the business meeting but I guess he would have a hard time clearing up the mess he made that afternoon, talk about being caught with pants down. Well, I must have missed on a great business deal but I was more thankful than regrettable for not getting involved in anything with this jerk.
‘Hit the road Jack (jerk)…’ someone please help me sing along to the song.
Haha the meeting has ended....
ReplyDeleteYep. In the most hilarious way possible . 😂
DeleteHahhahhahaha this I love this piece, didn't picture it end that awkwardly
ReplyDeleteHit the road jerk! Hahaha
ReplyDelete